Reawaken Your Love’n Feelings

One of the most common patterns for couples who have been together for a long time is losing that love'n feeling. It’s what the pros call a lack of sexual desire.

And, it takes some attention to get it back. Time to start being deliberate about having more satisfying senior sex by getting back that love’n feeling.

Most couples have slid into lack of desire, without even realizing it.

It can include the little things: not letting your honey know how much you appreciate what they are doing for both of you, saying thank you, noticing when they’ve put in some special effort.

And the big things: not making love for weeks or even months at a time. Being too busy to help with projects and activities at home, but plenty of time for neighbors, friends, and extended family.

The subtle things, not listening to one another during conversations in passing. Forgetting to do an errand for your partner. Or, forgetting to tell him your first grandchild is on the way. (Alright not so subtle!)

Slowly, you start to take one another for granted, and move further and further away.

Soon being disconnected has become the norm, and it’s hard to remember how connected you used to be or when you stopped.

Making love is usually one of the first activities to go. And, it will take some effort to get it back.

Here’s the pattern I’ve seen so many times: she doesn’t approach because she thinks he doesn’t want to, while he doesn’t approach because he thinks she doesn’t want to.

All that hesitancy and mind reading, acting as if to take care of the other, means neither gets what they want.

What to do instead, to build drive rather than drive it away?

Start outside bedroom. Don’t wait until you’re lying there in bed, trying to get up the nerve. Especially if it’s been a while. Great senior sex starts before you get in bed.

Start earlier in the day. Give a quick snuggle before getting out of bed in the morning, or bring him his coffee in the bathroom as he is getting out the shower. Make her coffee in the morning, or you go out and get the paper. Take the initiative with little gestures that show you care and are thinking of each other.

Touch every day. It may have been a while since you’ve even touched each other. Not to worry. Just do it. Don’t make a big deal over it. Touch his hand when you give him his dinner plate. Pat him as you’re petting the cat or dog. Fix his collar, give her a little pat on the behind or shoulder. All it needs is a gesture, not a big production with lights and music.

Share a laugh. One of the most common reasons people give for being together is because their honey makes them laugh. Find things that will bring joy and laughter to each other. A simple quip from the newspaper, a joke you heard when having coffee with friends, a silly trick your pet has done again.

Repeat often. Even if your efforts at reaching out aren’t reciprocated right away. If it’s been a while that you’ve been distance with each other, it will take a while to get closer. Some couples will become resigned when their first overtures aren’t noticed, appreciated or returned.

At that point, you have a choice. Stop because your other half doesn’t notice or respond. Or, keep it up. This is a project that you started to bring the two of you closer again — are you going to let them stop you? Or, is it important enough to keep it up even if it is just one way?

You got it. It only starts one way. Pretty soon it becomes two way.