No one goes to bed at night, has satisfying senior sex, and then never makes love again.
For most couples slipping into what some professionals call the “sexless marriage” is not a decision or a choice. It just sort of happens.
This unfortunate situation is characterized as those marriages, or significant relationships, where the couple has sexual relations less than 10 times a year.
This sounds like an arbitrary amount, and doesn’t always characterize the sexless marriage.
Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances, enforced separations, illness or injuries, where the lack of sex is not a choice but a condition over which the couple has no control.
However, for couples who just slide into a sexless marriage, finding their way out can be difficult if not impossible.
Most couples don’t talk about not having sex anymore with anyone,even each other.
Typically, they’ll start avoiding talking about anything else of substance or consequences.
The longer they avoid, the harder it is to start having relations again.
Unfortunately, most couples can find it impossible to turn it around.
You can start to get some ideas to help you in this article. One of the first is to share this with your mate. Or read it together and then blame me when there’s something too tender to talk about. I can take it and at least you’ll be united against a common enemy!
Seriously, both of you do need to read this article. And talk about it together.
Sexless marriages are all about low desire, so let’s start there.
Desire starts outside the bedroom and is the trigger for all sexual experiences
You can’t have make love without desire. Well you can, it just isn’t as good, as mutual, or as satisfying.
Many different factors can be at work when desire is too low to lead to making love.
Slipping into a Sexless Period:
Some couples get so distracted or involved in their daily activities, making love falls off their agenda, or gets forgotten. Soon, the days have slipped into weeks, and both partners may assume the other is sending a message that this is what they want.
Others find a lingering minor illness, or a chronic medical condition, has dampened their feelings of desire and desirability. Again, when it goes on for a long time, emotions get activated, and uncertainty about being desirable and loved can creep in.
Some men report increased concerns over their ability to achieve and sustain an erection, and avoid making love for fear they won’t be successful this time. The longer it becomes between times of making love, the deeper the fear seems to settle. Soon, they avoid any affection or hint of love’n from fear.
In other relationships, the lack of love’n is based on a long held anger or crisis of trust. One or the other has been betrayed or hurt, and find it difficult, if not impossible, to recapture their love’n feelings towards the other again. In these situations, the lack of desire is a decision.
Sometimes, lack of desire will fade and have a hard time being resurrected when a significant loss occurs. While we most often think of grief as a result of losing a loved person, even the loss of a job, a child getting married, or the death of a pet, can lead to a grieving period when one or both of you are not feeling sexual desire.
Getting out of Sexless Period:
The first step for making any change is acknowledging what is going on, telling yourself the truth about the situation you want to change. And then brainstorming together what you can both do to make some changes.
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