I’ve met far too many people who are still so angry at themselves for not acting in their own best interest, it seems to take over their whole life.
Especially when it comes to having experienced an unpleasant, unwanted or hurtful sexual experience in your past.
If it is any consolation, you have lots of company. When surveys are conducted asking about previous hurtful sexual experiences, many women are able to recount in detail what happened, how they felt then and the remnants of these feelings.
For the most part, these were situations when we weren’t in control. Seldom if ever does any woman choose to be hurt when consenting to an invitation for sexual relations. We were anticipating it would be loving, not abusive. But, sometimes it is hurtful. Many women report feelings of betrayal hurt, anger, frustration not just about partner but also about themselves, about somehow letting themselves down, allowing themselves to be hurt.
To get past these hurtful experiences, you’ll not only need to forgive the other person but to forgive yourself as well.
You need to forgive yourself for being fooled when you should have known better. Or, you may have put up with a difficult, nasty, ugly situation far too long and now you realize your inaction has put you and your family or other loved ones in a serious compromising position.
Whatever the issue, forgiving yourself is appropriate to let go of your pain and anguish so you can take charge of the situation and get on with your life.
As in forgiving another person, forgiving yourself involves appreciating and acknowledging how angry you are at yourself, recognizing that you have hurt yourself or other loved ones by your behavior. You also have to acknowledge that this is one of the biggies, one of the big events, rather than a trivial and/or unimportant action on your part.
Forgiving yourself means having to face the fact that you were not who you thought you were or you weren’t who you wanted to be. You may well feel betrayed. You haven’t acted in your own best interests. Who you are hasn’t measured up to who you thought you could or should be. For many people, this is the toughest part of the self-forgiveness process. They literally have to redefine themselves in light of the evidence that this acknowledgment of their bad behavior has given them.
This is the time you say to yourself things like, “How could I have done something so stupid? What was the matter with me? I’ll never be able to trust myself again. What kind of judgment must I have had to have been fooled by somebody like him?”
The whole process can go on and on, even escalating as you continue to berate yourself.
When you’re so frustrated and angry with yourself about what happened in the past, it’s very difficult to enjoy the present. Old feelings and thoughts can creep in and undermine your current feelings and activities. But, it’s real important to start letting go of there and then.
Otherwise you’ll just have another person, another experience with you when you’re trying to be love’n today.
For more on how your relationship with yourself makes a difference in your sexual experiences with your honey, click here.
