Every client I’ve ever worked with, both on personal issues and in the work place, has placed the blame of the difficulties they’re having to communication.
What’s been fascinating the vast differences in what people mean about communication problems.
Sometimes it’s some version of “he doesn’t listen.” When what they really meant is Read More→
Sphere: Related ContentED always affects your partner, whether she’s your wife of many years or a new girl friend. And, most women know there is something wrong, you’re having trouble, especially if it’s ED, even before you tell us.
Many women will react to their fears of your having ED with self doubt and shame. They’re sure they’re the cause of your problems. You must no longer find them attractive, have found someone else younger and prettier, surely thinner, with fewer wrinkles and sags, and certainly not post-menopausal.
Older women have their own sexual issues to deal with as they age. No longer being attractive enough, or sexually competent is right at the top of most women’s list.
Plus, they don’t have the hormones that promote desire and sex they had when they were younger.
So, it’s a short hop from feeling unattractive and incompetent to feeling responsible and at fault for your ED. “If I were just different, you would be okay,” is the most common lament.
I know…it is sort of crazy…but no one reacts to ED with total sanity. Women can be just as nutso about it as men. And, feel just as helpless.
Add in the same non-sex related fears and regrets, roads not taken and challenges coming up…retirement, grand-parenting, finally getting the kids out of the house, this time for good. And our fears escalate.
Many women are sure that the man in her life is signaling the end of their sexual life, and she just needs to get with the program. She gets the message, you are both past the time of intimacy. And, it’s her fault.
Add in a few chronic or nagging health problems, aging parents, uncertain finances, and it’s a wonder either of you can have sex at all…much less with the same vigor and energy we all had as youngsters.
Most couples will fold under the pressure. And make the decision, often without even talking about it, that their intimate life really is over.
You may not like it, you may miss it, and wish it wasn’t so, but either or both of you have decided.
It’s over.
No more.
And, neither of you realize just how wrong you are. Or that many other couples facing the same issues you are, have found that with a few accommodations they can keep on love’n all life long, no matter how old they are, or how old they get to be.
Don’t let the fear of ED, erectile dysfunction, prevent you from enjoying satisfying senior sex. Get your copy of my latest book about how to keep on love’n even if you think you might have ED, go to http://www.satisfyingseniorsex.com/keep-on-loven
Sphere: Related ContentRelationships can complicated, problematic and wonderful. Especially the relationship we have with ourselves.
The relationship we have with ourselves, how we feel and think about who we are and what we do, is a major cause of sexual difficulties, especially ED.
If we believe the ads for the little blue pills, you’d think Read More→
Sphere: Related ContentEvery man does it. You probably have been too.
At the first sign of trouble, you check it out. Gotta see if it is working this time.
It won’t be.
Spectatoring Spoils Performance
Spectatoring, watching how well, how adequately, you’re performing whether it be serving in tennis, negotiating a business deal, or trying to sustain an erection, means you won’t do as well as you want to. Sometimes you won’t be able to do anything at all.
Doesn’t seem fair, I know. All of us are compelled to check up on ourselves while we are performing.
It just doesn’t help…and it makes things worse.
You look down to see if it is up…and it goes down.
The reasons are partially psychological, but also physical.
Psychological Interference
When you are performing, especially with something as exquisitely reactive to environmental factors as sexual response…any distraction can interfere with your ability to function.
Especially something as noxious as evaluating what you are doing while you are doing it.
Evaluation has come to mean finding fault. We almost always look first at what is wrong rather than what is right.
So, knowing the verdict is going to be critical, we tense up and our performance suffers. Every time we evaluate as we go along.
The time for evaluation is later…not in the moment.
And, not immediately later. That’s almost as bad.
Physical Interference
Evaluation in the moment is also a physical interference.
As one client said, “I need all the blood I can get to be focused and working for me. Not feeding my intellectual brain cells. It’s needed little further south.”
Constant watching and checking can quickly slip over into an opportunity for disappointment and verbal self-abuse.
Take Purposeful Action Instead
Instead of watching and waiting for improvement, start taking action.
Interrupt your verbal self-abuse by reminding yourself of what you are doing to make things better
So keep reading. Browse through the other posts, articles, and resources on SatisfyingSeniorSex.com and be sure to check out my latest book, How to Enjoy a Satisfying Love Life All Life Life Long
Sphere: Related ContentMost often when we talk about low hormones causing difficulties in sexual functioning for both men and women, we assume that the culprit is Read More→
