Even if you do sometimes have trouble with getting or keeping an erection, it doesn’t have to mean the end of your love life.
And, even if you are still doing just fine in that area, there have probably been some changes that come with age that make intimacy more of a challenge as we get older.
For many folks, when we were younger, Read More→
Sex always starts with emotions. Especially satisfying senior sex.
Whether the emotion is lust or love, a quick response to a stranger on the street, or seeing your favorite movie star on full screen and technicolor, it all starts with emotion.
Especially when you are trying to rekindle the desire Read More→
“Good enough sex” varies a lot from couple to couple. For one couple, after a major bout with prostate cancer, including radiation and surgery, good enough meant lots of mutual pleasuring and oral sex, relaxed touching, and snuggling.
Another couple decided that they would continue to work on having sex “the old fashioned way” and at the same time, Read More→
No couple goes to bed one night, shares a satisfying lovemaking session and then decides it will be the last one.
Ever.
Yet, this is what happens to many couples who end up with low drive: dramatically decreasing the number of times they make love. Maybe even stopping all together.
Especially senior lovers.
Seldom is low desire attributed to inept lovemaking, or even ED.
Almost always low desire, not wanting to make love, not getting aroused, has to do with relationship problems. Either the relationship you have with your honey, or the one you have with yourself.
By your sexual relationship with yourself, I mean the feelings, beliefs, values and ideas you’ve learned, adopted, or decided over the years.
One of the most potent stoppers of satisfying senior sex is either of you believing sex is just for making babies. Once that option is closed, couples with this belief stop having sex.
Some women still hear their parents’ warnings about sex: nice girls shouldn’t. Others find specific practices their honeys favor to be embarrassing, distasteful, or shameful.
Sometimes, it’s your partner’s response. One client shared her husband always jumped out of bed as soon as he came, gargled noisily, brushed his teeth, and took a long shower. Then he changed into fresh p.j.’s before coming back to bed.
She was mortified. Sure he thought sex with her was distasteful at best, or possibly even went so far as to be disgusting.
When I suggested she find a way to share her feelings, she admitted she was too afraid to hear the reason why he did what he did.
His unusual behavior and her inability to speak up about her fears and concerns undermined their whole relationship.
After a few short counseling sessions, she decided this was just the way her life would have to be.
She would still let him have sex with her, she just wouldn’t respond.
To see them today, you can tell they are just existing together. She has her friends and interests, and he has his.
Seldom do you see them together.
All because they couldn’t/wouldn’t talk about what was bothering her.
Do you see any of yourself here? What is the unspeakable you are avoiding? What impact is it having on your relationship? How is it getting in the way of your satisfying senior sex?
Why not be the one that brings it up?
The short answer to the question above is, “You bet it can!” T
he longer answer is, it’s not usually the first resort when you want to improve your love life.Most people are intrigued by the idea of sex therapy, but have no idea of what it entails, what clients and therapists do, and are afraid the first step is always taking off your clothes.
Let’s get some straight talk about sex therapy:
Sex therapy is not about taking off your clothes. For the most part, the therapist will talk with his or her clients, give suggestions, ask questions, understand what the clients’ objectives are, and work out an action plan to achieve those objectives.
Even before a therapist can start to change behavior, they need to check out what you are thinking and feeling about yourself, your partner, and the two of you as sexual beings. Let’s face it: most of us have grown up with or gathered some limiting beliefs and attitudes about sex that interfere with our pleasure and satisfaction. So, the therapist will be sure to address these first, so they can be acknowledged, dispelled, and defused.
The next step is insuring you know about what you want to do. Typically, clients have some misconceptions or lack vital information they need to have satisfying senior sex. After the initial introductory session, a sex therapist typically starts with giving accurate information about sexual functioning, anatomy and physiology. You can’t start to change what you’ve been doing unless you understand the process and the parts that need to work together to insure your intimate experiences will both pleasurable and fulfilling. So, first things first: getting the information you need.
Then the therapy shifts into high gear. The sex therapist will use all the information you’ve provided, including your wants and needs, any limitations you might have, like bad knees or an arthritic hip, and start to outline a change plan.
Typically, you will get suggestions about new approaches to practice, techniques to implement, and activities to do before each of your practice sessions, and instructions on how to debrief your practice sessions.
Some of the suggestions may be very explicit. Specific activities to do, techniques to use, and equipment that might be helpful. Others will be topics to discuss or communication patterns to try.
Your practice sessions are just for the two of you, in the privacy of your own home, with no one else around.
Of course, you will debrief with the therapist, what went well, what didn’t, what to do instead, and what to do next.
Learning new love’n techniques and practices is like any other learning…it is hard to get started with new activities…but the more you practice,, the easier it becomes and you start to reap the rewards of your hard work.
In my newest book, How to Enjoy a Satisfying Love Life All Life Long, I use these same sex therapy practices to help couples increase their satisfaction with senior sex even if he sometimes has trouble with ED. Check it out http://satisfyingseniorsex.com/keep-on-loven/
